Dear Diary
by XxFraGileAndBrOkenXx
Summary: Donna feel's worthless and ugly and fat so she devolpes a eating disoder read her struggles SONG FIC- Dear Diary by Mikelwj Brody/Donna PLEASSE READ EVEN IF YOUR A DIE HARD KICK FAN! INCULDES DONNA/BRODY KICK KIM/JACK JACE JERRY/GRACE KELSEY/EDDIE OC/OC


**Donna POV.**

**Dear Diary…**

_I'm fourteen and I always feel so nervous  
Tell me why is it that everyone is so perfect  
While I feel so worthless, and they look so happy  
While lately for me, my mood has been crappy_

I was brushing my teeth my curly hair which is basically an afro tied back in a plait.

I hated not feeling good enough and compared to my half sister and step sister Kim I was no where perfect not even the slightest.

She had gorgeous long blonde hair; I had frizzy curly afro hair which was a light brown.

She has a perfect complexion; I have these annoying freckles on nose.

She has deep brown eyes; I have plain dark brown eyes.

She has golden tanned, mine is Dark olive brown.

She has a perfect height of 5'4; I'm only 4'11

She has an amazing boyfriend Jack who loves her dearly and she loves him just as much, And I have no one I'm in love with my best friend Brody how cliché is that?

I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those soppy saps who fall's in love with someone how doesn't love them back sadly I didn't manage to keep that promise as much as I would like have.

_And I have come to believe all the things that I'm seeing  
on magazines and TV, of every single perfect being  
All the girls with perfect bodies, and such amazing skin  
Oh how I would kill to live the life that they are in_

All my friends Grace, Julie, Kim and Lydia where all so perfect I would Kill to be as smart as Julie, Or has happy and bubbly as Grace or As funny as Lydia or as gorgeous as my baby sister Kimmy, And to top it all of they where all stunning.

Grace: She was amazing Happy, Bubbly and a great artist she's going to have her own art gallery one day she has a fiery temper but a kind heart she's beautiful brunette with a dashing white smile and is dating Jerry Martinez and this is between us there both expecting she's 2 months pregnant! And she wont get Judge because she's to nice and innocent for anyone to bully her and there all going to be excited for her!

Julie: This girl has it all the brains and the beauty to match she's so clever one day she's going to win the noble prize or the noble peace prize maybe even both, She is charming, She has a tough side but a sensitive side everyone likes her! She's dating Milton Krupnick and there so in love you couldn't ask for a better suited pair.

Lydia: She's the younger sister of Jack Anderson she's the most popular girl in school head of the cheerleading team she's dating Eddie and it's cute because there so opposite but they match, She is an amazing photographer she will be famous one day and you'll all want her to take pictures on your wedding and baby's christing she's one blonde bombshell.

And Lastly Kim: She's my baby sister were only half related on my dad's side he's her little angel he claims he love's us both equally but he will always kind of resent me for my mother I look like her not exactly alike but pretty much the same, My mother use to scream and hit my dad with plates and one night he couldn't take it and he left taking me with him, If you look at Kim you would see that she could have any guy she wanted but her heart remains to Jack Anderson the school's heartthrob, Kim is perfect on the cheer squad, A black belt in Karate, She's getting all A's and to top it all of she has a singing voice like an angel.

_I've been trying to lose weight over that past couple of weeks  
throwing up after meals, on the rare times that I eat_

Okay I'm going to tell you the truth I'm not some suicidal emotional wreck nope Donna Tobin Crawford is too strong for that, But I have been trying to lost weight it's been hell, No matter how much exercise or how much healthy food I eat My weight either goes up or stays the same, So lately I have been skipping meals and every time I think someone is on to me I eat in front of them but the food ends up being thrown up in the toilet a mere 20 minuets later, Yes you may say I have an eating disorder but I'm going too stop as soon as I feel perfect.

_But that isn't enough, I still need to do much more  
To get this guy to notice me, people wonder what for_

I heard my ringtone When she was mine by Lawson

go off, I looked and Saw my best friend Brody's called ID pop on to the screen I clicked answer

"Hey short stack!" I heard Brody sing, It was Ironic because he use to be tiny but know he's 5'6 which isn't that tall but not really small.

"Hey!"

"Guess What?!" He said excitedly

I bit my lip "What is it?"

"I'm dating KELSEY!"

I screamed literally screamed down the phone.

"Yes" Brody muttered, I slammed my phone down and tears where coming out of my eyes, I loved him and he love's her.

_He will love me when I'm perfect_ I thought

_There's so much room in my tummy that it isn't funny  
I don't wanna be people's dummy, but either way I feel dumpy  
Most of the time I am left here, thinking to myself  
Oh god is this worth it, or do I need some help  
Like_

Hear I am crying inside my bedroom, You see I was waitressing at Circus Burger and I saw Kelsey and Brody on there date and I just kept all my emotions bottled up but I snapped when Kelsey spilt her Coke all over me, I'm starving I haven't ate properly since Wednesday and It's currently Saturday I think all I have had is a grape that's it.

I don't know if I need help, I'm too afraid to say anything to anyone I feel so stupid and ashamed, But what if they hate me? Will they but supportive? I have no idea.

_I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls  
I've been hit by my mom, and cursed by the world  
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect  
I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it_

I'm officially worthless let me tell you about my FANTASTIC week!

Monday: I went out with a guy called Adam he seemed great Athletic, blonde messy hair and gorgeous deep blue eyes and we were walking home and he tried it on with me and so I let him, I'm a skank A disgusting skank I feel so ashamed but I was in a bad place.

Tuesday: I was getting changed after P.E it was the last period of the day, And That's when Kelsey came up to me and told me Brody hate's me! She stole my clothes so I had to where some from lost and found it was a kilt and a really ugly sweater vest.

Wednesday: That's when the rumour started everyone was making fun of Grace for being pregnant, So I tried to be a good friend and help so I told everyone that I was the one who was pregnant, And now everyone hate's me and Adam smacked me as he assumed that I was really pregnant and I wanted help of the baby from him.

Thursday: I usually went to my mothers house of a Thursday to check up on her, And apparently she's really good friend's with Kelsey's Mum because she found out about my being 'Pregnant' and slapped me four times then stabbed a knife into my stomach so I spent most on my Thursday night in A&N and then my mum said it was me who stabbed my self so they kept me over night on suicide watch!

Friday: I had people pestering me about if I was okay and how I was feeling and they wouldn't leave me alone with any sharp objects 'Incase I hurt myself'

Saturday: The whole family, Kim, Dad, Janine and baby Scarlett all went out for a meal, I told them I felt to weak to go out they all understood and this time I truly snapped after getting lost of hate from Kelsey and her army of bitches via text message I needed something to sooth the pain and that's when I found it a bottle of Vodka it tasted horrible but great at the same time the pain seem to have gone down slightly and now all I felt was numb.

Sunday: I just stayed in bed, Until I felt really sick I felt blood in my mouth, Soon I was violently coughing up blood, I can remember the worried and panicked face of Janine with tears streaming down her face and the Crying, Screaming Kim who held my hand tightly and my dad go ghostly pale and rush over to me, And then I remember the ambulance and quite frankly that's all I remember.

_I'm twenty-three and just ran across my old diary  
I opened it up but i really don't know what inspired me  
To do this, but I was instantly in tears  
To think of how lost I was during those young years_

I'm currently twenty three, I'm moving into my new house today! And I found my old tattered ocean blue diary, Every page which I read made me instantly burst into tears, I can't believe I was so lost and helpless at the time.

_And that guy that I mentioned back when I was fourteen  
He's my fiancé now; I guess that I'm living a dream  
We got a small house, a nice car and a good life  
But my arms are still scarred from using my own knife_

_But he accepts me how I am, and he knows about my past  
And after all that, he still says that we're gonna last  
And I love him, I love him, I love him with all my heart  
I honestly couldn't take it if we ever got pulled apart_

Well, Where to begin my life has changed so much from the last time you saw me, I'm no longer obsessed with my weight or throwing up after meals, Or into alchol anymore the only thing that's the same that I still love Brody but that's all okay now because he love's me back, finally I get the guy.

So much has changed I can't describe it, For starters Grace and Jerry are still together and have a 7 year old daughter called Donna Hope Martinez, They named her after me! Jerry's a famous dancer and Grace is a famous Artist.

Kim and Jack are now currently traveling the world on there honeymoon, They broke up for 2 years when they where in collage but at Grace's and Jerry's Engagement party the got back together.

Lydia went on to travel the world when she was 19 she's a famous photographer and is booked for mine and Brody's wedding! She dumped Eddie because they where two different and is dating Adam who has defiantly changed for the better thanks Lydia.

Julie she actually won the noble peace prize I can't exactly remember what for, I know that sounds bad but the whole science thing isn't my thing , Milton won the noble prize and them two are still together and don't want to get married until there thirty for some reason.

And lastly there's Me, I'm now a counselor at Seaford high Academy, And I help kids with cutting, bullying, eating disorders, Alcoholism, Family problems, Dyslexia anything you name it, It's really easy to understand what there going through and I think it helps that I went through some of the stuff they did, My dream finally did come true I'M GETTING MARRIED TO BRODY! I'm so excited to be Mrs. Brody Carlson, Kelsey is now dating Eddie they moved to Turkey and no one has really seen them since, I opened up to Brody about my past on my 17th birthday we where all dating for two months at the time, And told me that he loved me! and he was so proud I got through that! And that's when I knew I didn't have to feel as numb anymore

_If I could say one thing to me at age fourteen  
It would be that you'll find a guy who will treat you like a queen  
It gets better than it is, don't worry about your size  
And never think you're alone, someone out there hears your cries  
Saying._

The other day when I was counseling, There was a girl called Maddy Smith and she was going through the exact same thing as I did when I was here age so I told her that 'One day your going to find someone who loves and accepts you for who you are and don't worry about size because if you can get through this then your so strong your even strong just by coming here and don't worry your not alone I thought I was now look at me'

_I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls  
I've been hit by my mom, and cursed by the world  
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect  
I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it_

That's officially it from me for a while I may see you again soon but for now I'm just going to enjoy my life for a while and remember how lucky I am I'm still here! But I would just like to say thanks diary for being my friend and I'm happy to admit I'm perfect because everyone is in unusual ways.

So keep strong! Be proud! Keep your held head high! Because someone here's you when you cry! Your loved and never forget it!

**A:N I know sucky ending what do you think? , Should I make a sequel with the song dear diary part 2? Should I write more Donna/Brody/? Do you like them? XOXO YOUR ALL LOVED AND PERFECT *HUGS THE COMPUTER SCREEN***


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